Is it 2013 yet???

I made the decision to come to TN and now I must live with it.  I could always pack up and give up but I've already put in 7 months.  I will be done with classes in 11 weeks and have 3 months off.  But that still leaves with me with 2 more years here in TN.  I've already invested several thousand in this one year so I feel I have to see it through the finish.

But I'm lonely and as more and more things happen - i get more and more depressed.  I feel its just little old me against this big bad world.  It honestly is just me and Knoxville.  I do not feel at home here, I do not have close friends or family members here.  My life as I know it has changed a complete 380.  I'm a hermit !!  And for those of you who know me, that isn't me !!

As more and more events unfold I call my parents to talk.  For I have so much to learn about life and how the world operates.  But my mother is not available.  She is caught up within my brother.  My boyfriend does his best but he cannot always be there for me 24/7.

I know this is like a race and I have to finish strong....I know that 2013 will be here before I know it and I will be graduating.....I know these things...but yet they are so hard to grasp. 

For now, I must keep on walking......I'm going to go take my torts mid-term, go home, study for contracts, go to bed, and get up early in the morning for my contracts mid-term.  I'm going to get on.....for that's all there is to do.

Mid-Terms

Things have finally got squared away with the trip!  We have changed our dates to later in June at my expense. 

Last week we had reading days on Thursday and Friday so i took a road trip to Raleigh.  I just actually got back into Knoxville.  It was so good to get back.  Thursday I made dinner for Lee and made a homemade red velvet cheesecake - it was amazing !!  Friday we grilled out with some friends, Trey and Alex.  Saturday we went shopping and grilled out with his parents.  It was nice to see friends and just be with him.  But at the same time I had work to do and did alot of studying. 

This week is mid-term week.  I do not have classes but rather four mid-terms.  I do not feel completely comfortable with all the material for it is so much to take in.  However, I realize that the sooner I get them over with the closer I am to summer. 

WORST MISTAKE EVER

So Lee and I are going to Mexico this summer on vacation.  He's spent tons of hours looking into resorts and such.  Well he finally booked one yesterday at 4:15pm for June4th-11th.  This morning I told my mom about the trip, this afternoon she informed me my brothers graduation is June 11th !!  Possibly the 4th, we are hearing conflicting things. 

However, everything was booked - he put a $300 deposit down everything.  Now we need to get everything changed in order for me to attend my brothers graduation.  I called to check on what  needed to be done this afternoon at 3:30pm less than 24 hours later and there was nothing they could do !!!!!!!  In order to switch our flights or reschedule our week we have to pay a $300 fee to change the flights or loose our $300 fee and start over with the planning.  In which case the price will probably increase.

In other words im SOL.  I told Lee I would pay the $300 out of my own pocket because it is my own fault.  Im so conflicted my heart is broken in two.  I know its not the end of the world but im disappointed in myself.  Lee is pissed.  Im stressing.  I just dont know what to do....and the bad thing is it honestly to God slipped my mind that my brother had a gradution or was going to graduate.   And to be honest he has missed some much school because of snow that  they could possibly push his graduation back. 

So if we rebook or cancel the trips I have to come up with $300 and then some for the trip.  I know in the long run this will be nothing and i'll laugh but now in the moment its AWFUL.  I feel obligated to go to my brothers graduation and I know if I dont that I will be letting my family down and they will always resent me for it.  I just wish I had answers.....